Men’s Groups: What Seems to Be Missing?
Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, we were all created to be in relationship. We have family relationships, marriage relationships, work relationships and friendships.
The pandemic showed how much we need to be around each other in relationship. Mental health issues hit an all-time high during the pandemic when we all had to isolate. Suicide rates skyrocketed. Counselors are still jam-packed today with clients trying to overcome their anxieties and fears.
In fact, it’s considered “inhumane punishment” to put someone into solitary confinement. Why?
We were created for relationship. That’s how God wired us.
So much so that when we need help in making a wise decision, Proverbs 15:22 tells us to go ask our friends. Usually that means the men in our inner circle that we trust. That’s why relationships are so key. We need each other to hear the Father’s voice in our life. Often times the people who know us the best are in our small group. They can see things we can’t and have great insight to pass on to us.
As men, we often have a hard time finding a group where we can be real, honest, authentic and vulnerable. Deep down we desire to be known but we often struggle with believing the lie,
“If you really new me, you wouldn’t love me.”
We end up wearing a mask and we join an “accountability group” thinking that we are finally going to have close friends who know us. Maybe they will help stop a behavior like drinking or watching porn. It’s so hard to find men who can open up and relate.
I have been a part of one of these men’s groups and I have also heard many men express their disappointment in their accountability group. I have a hunch why. There’s a common path we men settle into. It goes like this:
“I looked at porn last night.”
The other guy says, “Okay. Thanks for being honest and telling me. I’m here for you bro!” That’s it.
Some think this is accountability. I would call it transparent reporting. Why? We don’t know why it happened. We don’t know what lies are being believed, and we don’t know where that lying voice in our head is coming from.
Here’s another example that occurred years ago at my church. The leader was trying to invite vulnerability and posed the question,“What is something that you personally struggle with?” One guy mentioned that he struggled with porn. Crickets. No one said a word. It was like the guy spoke a foreign language and no one understood him. Another guy, an elder in the church, alluded to his struggle with driving the speed limit. Seriously? Yeah, it happened.
If you’re dissatisfied with your typical church men’s group, ask yourself a few questions:
Is your men’s group missing the boat?
Is your heart wanting more?
Are you tired of the same old discussions and not getting anywhere?
Do you just wish everyone would take off their masks and be real for once without any judgment or condemnation?
Is there more to this life than quoting verses at each other and trying harder?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, here’s your call to action
Give it 12 weeks. Groups are forming all the time. What have you got to lose? You just may find some other like-hearted men to journey with who are safe, honest, authentic and vulnerable.
