Generational Anxiety
I grew up the youngest of two kids in a home where anxiety ruled the day. On any given day my mom could erupt in anger unaware of what she was feeling inside as her anxiety drove her to react to every little thing that could set her off. Know this:
Children can always sense a parent’s anxiety.
Remember, 90% of communication is in the non-verbals. Doesn’t matter what you say, it’s written all over your face. It doesn’t mean we hide our anxiety, but hitting the “pause button” and processing your anxiety with a safe person before you react is a healthy decision. Then, you can sit down and take the needed time to be intentional with your kids and own your anxiety. In doing so, you model to them how to settle your heart when anxiety strikes.
As an 8 year-old, my mom was scary and got big whenever she felt anxiety. It scared me to death. My mom would get into loud arguments with my dad and she would threaten to divorce him. I never knew from one day to the next if my family would stay intact, so my anxiety was always through the roof without me knowing it. It affected me for the next 46 years. I dealt with my anxiety in an unhealthy way by turning to other things to medicate my pain inside.
I was completely unaware of my anxiety or how to handle it.
We all turn to something to cope with our anxiety. We are human. We will always feel anxiety. You can deny your anxiety and pretend it’s not there, but it doesn’t make it go away. People cope by finding a way to medicate through food, alcohol, pornography, other sexual brokenness, shopping, video games, drugs, etc. Others will deny their anxiety. Others will deflect, or explain why the situation or the other person is causing the problem while ignoring what’s really going on in their own heart. In short, anxiety is a generational killer. It doesn’t have to be that way. What we do with these feelings of anxiety makes all difference.
There is hope.
There are healthy ways to process your anxiety and the key is to care for your heart and begin to address it from the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical aspects of our being. It takes balance in all four of these areas. Some people swing the pendulum and camp out in one area and miss whole-hearted living. For example, beating someone over the head with Bible verses about anxiety doesn’t bring hope. It just brings more anxiety. There is a balance to all of this. Let’s look at each area briefly.
Spiritual:
Philippians 4:6 is probably the most often quoted verse on anxiety because it has the word “anxious” in it:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer
and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
The result if we do that?
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
There are quite a few YouVerson Bible plans on anxiety. Find one and go through it. All of them bring Truth to help us cope with our anxiety. But hear me on this please!
Anxiety doesn’t magically disappear just by reading a Bible verse.
It’s 1/4 of the answer to healthy coping. All the Bible verses in the world do not make anxiety go away. It’s an important piece, but only covers one part of how God created us in His image. We have other parts to attend to.
Mental:
This is the one we often neglect or are unaware of how it impacts our anxiety.
The Devil uses anxiety to destroy us. “Your ENEMY the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” He uses anxiety, worry and fear to do that! WHY do we let him? We are at war! This is where our minds can engage in the Truth to remind us of what is true about who we are and who is ultimately in control. The key?
Hit the pause button.
Do you know why? Because the brain never forgets. Your brain wants to take you back to the past and get you to feel the same way all over again. When anxiety hits you, we need to ask ourselves some questions:
Where does this anxiety come from?
Is there a person attached to the anxiety?
Are there words attached to the anxiety?
Is the anxiety situational?
Is there a habit attached to the anxiety?
Gaining an educational view of your mental health and how it impacts you is key. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Surround yourself with people who will speak truth into you and remind you of who you are.
Emotional:
Anxiety is an emotion. We all experience it multiple times a day and may not even know it because we stuff it down, ignore it, or react to it. The key here is to hit the pause button and be curious about your heart and WHY you are feeling anxious. What just triggered your heart? Handling your anxiety alone is detrimental to your mental health and here’s why:
A person in isolation will believe anything and believe it to be true.
Did you hear that? Read that again.
This is why there is a pandemic of epic proportions going on right now in mental health with anxiety. We were created to be in relationship. The Evil One wants us to isolate. He does his best work when he can get us to isolate.
We need connection with others for two reasons:
1.) To provide us comfort and understanding when we feel anxious.
2.) To remind us of truth.
When we can process our anxiety with a safe person, someone who won’t tell us we shouldn’t be feeling anxious, but who understands the situation, we know we are not alone. Anxiety will pass and when the other person can remind us of who we are and what the truth is, our hearts become settled.
So, next time anxiety overwhelms you, care for the emotional side of you and reach out and find someone to talk with. Whether it’s in person, on the phone, or in a text — get it out of you.
Anxiety is toxic sitting in your heart.
Get every last ounce out with someone who will listen and not preach at you.
Physical:
When it comes to the physical side of dealing with your anxiety in a healthy way, sleep, diet and exercise play a vital role. If any of those are off, you can bet that anxiety will have a deeper impact. Get your 7-8 hours of sleep every night. Eat your fruits and veggies, and drink water. Talk long walks. It’s as simple as that. Our bodies need structure and order and these three things do that.
A word about medication: In severe cases and under a doctor’s care, medication is helpful until you can get these other areas of your life in balance. Sometimes a short 3-6 month stint in therapy will help get the needed tools to cope with your anxiety when it hits.
Need a mentor you can rely on to help you through your storms? I’ve been down this road and can provide healing. Book some time with me and let’s get you healthy.
Don’t wait till the next anxiety storm hits you. Let’s work on getting you healthy and becoming whole. As you do that, you will begin to live out of your true identity the Father intended for you!
