No Yeah But’s
Bringing Kingdom every day is when we “love others as we love ourselves” in the space we meet each person without an agenda but simply to love them well. One thing that keeps us from the prerequisite (love yourself) to loving others, is our pride. True humility comes when we know our identity as Beloved Sons and Daughters and live out of that identity. But first, we have to take an internal look at our own humility and do an “awareness check.” Are you ready to take a look inside your heart?
EVERY human being on earth bears the image of God. We were created in His image, and it doesn’t get any better than that. However . . .
Our image is marred by how we see ourselves.
We don’t see ourselves as God sees us. Do you picture the Father as someone who is disappointed in you, or do you see His absolute delight in you, no matter what you do?
Oh we can believe that God “loves us” in our head. We will quote Bible verses every time to convince ourselves, but we don’t live like it, which means we don’t really believe it. We have protected our hearts since we were born from words, abuse, neglect, and absence. All of those have wounded us deeply, like arrows stuck in our heart. We’ve carried that pain and the scores of lies we have believed about ourselves for decades.
Bottom line?
We hide our true selves
and create a false self because we believe the lie, “If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me, because . . . (fill in the blank).”
Because of this, when someone we trust and love experiences us and tries to speak truth in love, we have a hard time receiving it. We put up walls to protect our heart, and we respond poorly. Oh, we can sound humble, but our so-called “humility” isn’t true humility. It’s our protective heart speaking out of false humility and out come the words . . .
“Yeah, but . . . “
What do I mean by that?
When someone you trust sees something in you and comes to you to gently express how they experience you, do you have true humility to listen to the feedback? Or, do you get defensive and strike back by explaining why that person is wrong? Or maybe . . . you deliver a “Yeah, but . . . “ where you own only a small piece of what the other person is trying to convey to you and then go off on why it’s not entirely true. Our pride gets in the way. If they are wrong or off, why do I need to tell them? Why can’t I just listen and then reflect and process later with the Father and what He sees in me?
My question to you is: Why does it matter? Why do WE feel the need to defend ourselves at every turn? Jesus was unjustly accused every place he went. I read recently that our King was asked 193 questions by the religious zealots of the day, and he only answered 3 of them! What does that say to us? It. Doesn’t. Matter.
There’s a big difference between criticism and speaking truth in love. One is delivered with jealousy. The other comes from love (Proverbs 27:6)
Jesus was comfortable in his own skin.
He knew who he was and he knew WHOSE he was. Nothing anyone threw at him mattered. It didn’t cause him to recoil, pout, defend, react, or retreat in shame. True humility is the “holy teflon coating” that protects our hearts from the lies, jabs, and shame that comes our way because the only Person who matters, is Jesus.
Philippians 2 is a portrait for us of what this looks like day in and day out. Verse 3 is the bedrock for us to live from our true identity as Beloved Sons and Beloved Daughters.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility
count others more significant than yourselves.”
True humility includes these 6 elements:
Openness
A low focus on the self.
An appreciation of the value that all things possess.
A willingness and desire to see ourselves in a truthful way.
An accurate perception of our place in the world.
An ability to see our limitations and mistakes.
On the flip side, how does false humility come into play? Quite simply? We aren’t honest enough with ourselves and the pain we have been covering up. We wear masks to present our false self to others and to protect our hearts from needs that never were met growing up. Read more about this and get a copy of “Seven Desires: Looking Past What Separates Us to Learn What Connect Us.”
We all spend a lifetime building a narrative of how we see and interpret life, and we build up a protective layer around our hearts so no one will ever hurt us again.
So, how can I know if I’m in my true self exhibiting true humility, or in my false self I have created to protect myself and using false humility?
How can we detect false humility in ourselves?
False humility can be defined as self-satisfaction. For example, when a person is humble, he or she will acknowledge their mistakes and then take action to change their behavior.
By comparison, a person who is using false humility might apologize but they’re just paying lip service. False humility is more about impressing others than really having a low focus on the self.
Someone who exhibits false humility:
Speaks about doing good service, but doesn’t do it.
Desires to be put up on a pedestal.
Only invests in others when they can win.
Self-deprecates
Is focused on “people-pleasing” behavior.
Doesn’t want to receive feedback. (Hence, the “Yeah, but . . . )
How do I process all of this?
We are all works in progress. Having a heart that is open, teachable, and humble allows the Spirit within to transform us more and more every day into our full potential. That “marred image” we talked about earlier? It diminishes and the glory of the the Father shines through in more powerful ways - and we don’t need to tell anyone about it or show it off! It. Just. Happens. True humility exudes from us because we are so deeply connected to the Father, and that’s all that matters.
The next time you catch yourself about to say . . .
“Yeah, but . . . “
. . . stop and pause and check your heart. Listen. Reflect. Ask the Father what part was true and let HIM, do His work in you!
