Bootstrap Mentality
I’m a Baby Boomer which means my parents are from the Greatest Generation that made our nation, well, “great.”
I turned 60 last month. I have spent more than five decades subscribing to “orphan” behavior (That’s a whole other blog coming up soon!).
What I mean by that is this: An orphan has to find their own food, shelter, and water: life’s basic necessities. I have to look out for me because no one else will. All of the problems I am facing are dependent on me to solve. In my orphan heart and mind God is relegated to watching me find my way through his maze to get to the cheese, and all I can do is pray that He makes it easier for me. Most of the time I fail and I can’t do it. I feel like a failure and can’t "do it right." I feel God is disappointed in me and wonders when I will “get it.”
How did I get this way?
I am not emotionally attached to either my father or mother. They raised me to be independent and to take care of myself. You know, that “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” mentality. It’s a persevering, fighting, surviving, “do-it-yourself” mentality to solve your own problems in life. Nothing wrong with that, perseverance is a valuable attribute to have when needed. However, when it overlaps with your whole identity, it can fracture relationships and leave you empty and alone.
You see, an orphan believes he has to do it all himself, no matter what. Because men have been taught their whole life that “to be a man you have to suck it up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, don’t be a (fill in the blank from your childhood), stop complaining and just get it done!” Real men don’t cry,” right? Inside we are stuffing down how we really feel to put on our “game face” and be a man!
You can only stuff down what’s going on inside for so long and then you start medicating the pain with just about anything. Soon we substitute what we were created to need, which is an intimate relationship with the Father, for any of these cheap substitutes. These often lead to addiction, and at the very least, unhealthy living.
Alcohol
Drugs/pills
Sex/porn
Sports
Food
Work
Shopping
Gaming/TV
SPOILER ALERT: As broken human-beings, we all turn to something to medicate our pain, ignore it or deflect it.
Finding freedom to live as God intended is what Bringing Kingdom is all about. It’s not some nirvana land I have found and others “should” follow me. Not. At. All. It takes emotional courage to face your inner man and surrender to the Father. YES - surrender is a sign of strength, not weakness. That voice in your head? That’s the “bootstrap mentality” that doesn’t work in the emotional part of a man. You can only stuff down so much and then the pain comes out in a variety of ways.
There is hope and it is this:
There is a pathway to whole-hearted living and you can get there. The anxiety, worry and fear is not from the Father. He yearns to see His Beloved Sons living out of how HE sees them. All of us! We need each other. We need men with whom we can be vulnerable, authentic and honest, without judgment and condemnation.
Here’s some truth. Listen closely. You are not alone!
A man in isolation can believe anything he wants and believe it to be true. That’s what Satan does. He whispers lies in your ear to create doubt, anxiety, worry and fear. That’s why we need a community of men to do life with. We need each other to point out lies and speak Truth about who we are!
It’s time we deal with our issues and discover our true inner man and live in freedom as the Beloved Sons of the King that we are! Who’s with me?
The Takeaway:
It’s time we did some digging for our own emotional health. Take some small steps and get out your iPhone Note app or iPad and find 10 minutes to get away and be still. Jot down 2-3 issues that you keep bumping into and ask the Father to show you your heart. For the truly humble and emotionally brave: Ask your loved ones this question but only if you can truly hear it without getting defensive or hurt: “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?” Listen. No talking. Take notes. Take that to the Father.
Be blessed today. Email me at talk@bringingkingdom.org and let’s set up a time to talk.
